Sidewalk: The Video Game

My sidewalk is sputtering. I've spent millions of dollars, and have no funding left. All of the gizmos and gadgets to bring my baby into the 22nd century (yea, i said 22nd), have bled me dry. I fear that I may be living in a van, down by the river, eating government cheese.
But wait, I learned how to program in my IST 195 class. What if I made a videogame? What if I made a videogame about a sidewalk? Yes! It will be the next Grand Theft Auto. I will be rich. I probably won't be able to create the technology necessary for the game, so I will hire people to do it for me (with funds borrowed from banks, I'll use the sidewalk as collateral). They will have to be well versed in XML, XSD, and XSL. This will allow me to control components of the game, especially how everything appears, and how each item in the game is used.
Now, as for my vision of the game. The character will be on a sidewalk that has gone haywire that can not stop (in Cortland, of course, not Syracuse). On the sidewalk, there will be different levels that different characters will appear on. First, the hero, name Lake Jevy, will battle the thugs of Onondaga County. He will have to use all of the weapons prowess that he contains, and some cheat codes that he found online.
Next, he will face all of the zombies who have risen from the dead in the graveyard next to Day. Lake will get a machete for this one, and gamers will be wildly entertained by the vivid details of battle.
Finally, Lake will do battle with Chancellor Nancy Cantor. He will have to defend himself from her b.s. political jargon, and her gigantic ego. When he wins, he gets to move into her giant house.
Cue the amazing reviews, exclusive Hollywood parties, and beautiful women...all for me. Hooray!


Wait, what? How many video games did we sell? Four!? I bought two...and my mom bought one! Oh crap, I'm ruined.

The H1N1 of Computer Viruses (too soon?)

What is the WORST thing that could happen to our sidewalk? No Billy, it is not people finding out how much you enjoy "My Life Would Suck Without You". The worst thing that could happen would be for the operations to shut down completely. That would happen if someone planted a virus in our system. Viruses occur often through Malware. Malware gets installed through downloading programs that put the Malware on your computer. So, we will have to make sure our employees don't go downloading Kazaa onto their company computers. 

Now who would want to plant a virus on an innocent automatic sidewalk? Probably someone quite lazy, who doesn't enjoy walking, but can not fit on the moving sidewalk, because he is too fat. Probably someone like this guy. 

At Syracuse University, we are at particular risk, because virus and worm writers are more likely to be in countries with university computer science programs. Lucky for us, we have one of the best technology schools in the country. HOORAY!

They are also more likely to occur in economically depressed areas. Have you seen most of Syracuse? It looks like the Elephant Graveyard in the Lion King. For those of you who don't get that reference, please rent the Lion King, it will tug at your heartstrings.

The best way to prevent one of these things: avoid them when you see the warning signs. If they describe some ridiculous medical condition, do not open the e-mail, also do not download programs that you do not buy. If you are downloading it off the internet, it probably should not be trusted. These are ways to avoid viruses. It's a scary world out there, and you have to make sure that you protect yourself, or else you might the Clap...er... um... Malware. Yeah, Malware. 

Keeping it all hush hush

Now that we have all this information, how do we make sure that it's safe? With so much information about people, we NEED to prevent people from hacking into our system and getting a hold of it. Who knows the damage that could be done if Billy Grant's favorite song was released to the public? How could he live with the embarrassment of everyone knowing he loves Kelly Clarkson? Well Billy, we understand, and we want to make sure that no one knows that you rock out to "Since U Been Gone". 

But how you ask? Simple, we need to have three very solid forms of security. Physical Security, which protects all of our data. Personnel security, which means that we must hire people we trust to protect all of our clients information, and Strategic security, where we determine that it is more important to make sure that people who choose to give more information (such as social security number or pin) is more heavily protected than favorite color lighting. 

In order to have the best physical security, we will use Cryptography. Cryptography is a code that we create in order to make all of our date impossible to understand unless you have the code to unlock our data. Therefore, instead of seeing that Billy Grant loves Kelly Clarkson, you will see that 35770 12458 loves GI770 B742uze5.

Don't worry Billy, your secret is safe with us, and everyone who reads this blog post. So basically it still is just me. 

So much information!

So now that we know what music and lighting you enjoy on your trek to the daily grind, how do we remember it?

It's quite simple really, we just plug all of your information into a database. By doing this, you can be sorted by name, lighting preference, speed preference, and choice of music. Therefore, we can see exactly who likes to travel at a certain speed, or enjoys listening the 98 Degrees while going to class. 

Instead of having to input all of your preferences every time, a  person just needs to insert their name, and all of their settings will come up in the computer. Once this occurs, all of their sidewalk settings will come into place. 

How do we have all of this information? Simple. We input it into Microsoft Access, and it organizes it for us. From there, the data is normalized. 

The real question is, why can't we recognize people once they set foot on the sidewalk? Easy buddy, we're working on it. 

A Sidewalk of the people

I figure that the people should have a say in the creation of this sidewalk. I mean, it is their tax dollars that are going towards building this massive block of concrete for the lazy, right? Well, most people don't understand even the most basic configurations of a moving sidewalk, so they really have no say in that. However, what if we continued on my last blog entry? What if we allowed the people to decide on the environment they would be traveling in?

Crazy right? Not so! I say. It is quite simple, and it is all made possible with the use of the newest innovation to hit technology, Web 2.0. That's right, I will be creating a facebook page for the sidewalk. It will be called Side Walk. Its profile picture will be of the current progress that the sidewalk is making. On top of that, I will create a facebook group for the sidewalk, and a facebook fan page. I'd create a MySpace page, but I really don't think that would be appropriate. The sidewalk does need SOME privacy. 

Anyway, the point of creating all of this web 2.0 commotion will be so that people can communicate with the creators of the sidewalk. What song do they want to hear on their way to class? Let the developers know! Are there any colors that they want to enjoy while they post-up on their way to the dorm? Let the developers know! Do they think the sidewalk is too slow? Let the- well, you get the point. 

By creating an interactive Web 2.0 platform for the sidewalk, we will allow this sidewalk to be the sidewalk made for the people, by the people. 

Traveling with a sense of calm

I have my sidewalk. It has all the systems in place necessary to operate. Now I need to call in Xzibit so he can "pimp my sidewalk". Actually, I won't call in 'X to the Z', he's not mellow enough. I'll probably call in a great speaker. Someone like Tony Robbins or Bill Clinton. In order to really make my sidewalks a complete and enriching experience, I will install speakers into them, and will play various motivational and soothing diatribes from some of the world's greatest speakers. The real question is, how do I record their thoughts? Well, there is a very simple way. Its called audacity. All I have to do is put a microphone in a computer jack and tell them to yap away. In order to conserve memory, I will probably use an MP3 file instead of a .WAV file. This is because this type of file takes less memory and would allow me to have a more speakers on my soundtrack list. These soundtracks will make the sidewalk a hit among the very stressed out detractors who simply look at the cost and the lack of necessity of a moving sidewalk. Once they are calmed down by the .MP3 files, they will see the convenience of the sidewalk, and will wonder how they ever lived life without one.
There really won't be too much secret information on my computer, however I want to make sure that I protect all the information that is on there. I would not want a competing sidewalk maker getting a hole of my information and using it to ruin my business. In order to do this I will have to overwrite all of my files 0s, random numbers, or the contents of a new file. People may be able to still ripe off the files, however, it seems unlikely, because it would be incredibly cumbersome and expensive. Something that probably isn't worth it in the moving sidewalk business.

The body of the moving sidewalk

Like I've said before, the moving sidewalk is a lot like a computer. This means that it must have a lot of parts like a computer. The motherboard will be a central part of the sidewalk. In fact, its been called the central nervous system of the computer. The motherboard will control all the other parts of the sidewalk and make sure that they do their job. Most of the other parts of the computer won't be very necessary, except for the memory. This will help when someone needs to save sidewalk settings. These settings will include when to turn on and off, and  how fast the sidewalk should move. However, the other facets of a computer such as a the DVD/CD-ROM, printers, and a floppy disk drive...those probably won't be too necessary in the maintenance of the sidewalk. Speaking of maintenance of the sidewalk, when new technology develops and the sidewalk becomes obsolete as a result, an upgrade will be necessary. What do with the old technology we've removed? Throw it in the dumpster next to Whitman? Probably not. Many of the components of a computer are horrendous for the environment. They include substances like lead and arsenic. The sidewalk should provide a service, and it should not destroy the environment in the process. We can take all the old pieces to OCRRA Computer Recycling. Its located pretty close, on 5085 Court Street Road in Syracuse. It's probably less than a five minute drive from campus... or about a 15 minute sidewalk ride.